Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
