even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
