:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
