and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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