Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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