Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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