you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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