Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
