i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
