I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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