Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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