I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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