Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
