possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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