God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
