sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?