Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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