You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
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Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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