moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is wine microwaveable?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?