the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA