weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
