she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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