Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
