Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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