My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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