This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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