She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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