Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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