You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
