You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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