i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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