Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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