Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
