I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
