i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
