I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
