I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
