I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
