do herpes really smell.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
