awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
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Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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