I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
