3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
