I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
