He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
