First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I smell like Dick and happiness
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
