Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
