Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
