I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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