Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
