so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
