i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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