Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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