I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
