Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
