party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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