There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
