***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
do nipples grow back?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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