I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
