Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
