Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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