I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
