I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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