there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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