omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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