fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
