I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
