thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
