the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
