oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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