Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
