At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
