I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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