you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He better not be in your backpack
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
